**Written weeks ago, just the courage to post today.**
I'm a bit of a mess tonight.
Up way past my bedtime, I've spent the day grasping toward those who walk me out of my dark places into the light.
You see, I have this vision ... I've had it for quite some time. It has evolved as God's call refines me. I am in an entirely new congregation than I was then ... yet the drive and passion have evolved and grown, not diminished. And yet I find myself, again ... stymied by the confines of institution.
...restricted by the vision of those put in place to lead...
...standing with my heart on my sleeve and my dream on the table, surrounded by leaders so focused on the cracks in the sidewalk they fail to see the emptiness surrounding them.
I would welcome discussion of the downfalls of this vision ....
...elated to brainstorm ways to shore up the vulnerabilities.
But I never make it to the table.
We stall somewhere in proposal land ... where dreams and visions turn into words on the page that are either vigorously debated to vet their adherence to doctrine and creed or set aside in deference to what is urgent.
And all the while, this work of the spirit seeps out...
...searching for higher ground...
...striving toward the light.
And I wonder ....how long, Lord?
And there lies the answer.
As long as it takes.
I shouldn't be afraid that I lack the endurance or gift.
It was never mine to shepherd.
But always the work of the spirit.
And I may be the conduit today ... but it will live and move and have its being long after I perish.
So it is not so much about the where we end up.
But Who we followed.