Monday, April 29, 2013

Spring Cleaning

It's been a roller coaster of a time the last couple of weeks. Something about spring sends me into a downward spiral, and every year I forget it's coming until I'm in the middle wondering how I ended up here again.

One day we're going along just fine, and the next I feel completely incapable and unwilling to hold up my end of the bargain of this life of motherhood.

I just don't want to do any of it.

I guess the beautiful thing about motherhood is that there really is no choice. Those little mouths need to be fed, bodies need clothing, energies need to be run out.

And as much as I feel like I'm being drug along against my will, eventually the tide turns.

The veil lifts.

I look into their gleeful eyes and cannot hold on to the wave of love that washes over me.

I can only receive its cleansing and warmth.

Like the manna from heaven, I cannot store it up.

It can only be experienced in the here and now and then released.

And in its aftermath, I am refreshed.

Washed clean.

Ready again to respond to this great call.

This nurturing of souls and building of life.