Saturday, January 7, 2012

Rage Against the Resolution

I'm entering my first New Year of being an avid blog reader.

I've dabbled for a couple of years, but it wasn't until recently I accumulated a list of blogs that publish almost daily, written by fellow mothers with whom I relate on many issues.

And never have I been so overwhelmed by the pressure of the New Year.

I'm just not one to set resolutions - or make a big to-do of giving up something for Lent or anything like that.

On first swipe, I'd say I just avoid the opportunity to set myself up for failure.

As I've skimmed through the New Year Resolution blogs over the last week, I am overwhelmed by the level of expectation these women have for themselves.

Lists five and 10 items long of solid, difficult, life-changing resolutions - spiritual practices, lifestyle changes, health and wellness adjustments, parenting improvements, marriage strengthening ...

I melt at the sight of such ambition.

And I resolve, again, to make no resolutions.

Only to die daily to my sinner self and welcome God from His grave to wash me clean in his grace.

To see where God calls for pruning and welcome the new life that springs forth.

To be attuned to His whispers, beckoning me toward a future beyond my imagination.

To invite fellows travelers along for the ride and marvel at their beauty revealed.

I can't resolve.

I just can't.

It's not mine to resolve.

It was never mine to succeed or fail.

Only to follow, stumble, get up, follow, stumble, get up again.

Grace alone is mine.