Saturday, August 27, 2011

Back here, again ...

Here I am ... again ... back in the place where I spend days feeling so tired, like every moment is a struggle to keep my eyelids open, every task just one I have to make it through until I can take a quick nap, recharge, and maybe, hopefully - PLEASE - feel rested and restored again.

I employ my "strategies"  -- exercise, rest, down time with friends and spouse -- and nothing succeeds in helping me shaking this heavy blanket.

Next come the nights where I wake, time and time again. Unable to stay asleep. Sure each time I wake I have made it to morning. Yet only minutes, short hours have passed.

And then the terrible, unshakable, chest-tightening, panic-inducing anxiety that binds my breath. I struggle to breathe deeply, force the air into my lungs, only to feel the sinking disappointment as my chest seizes itself up once again.

Feeling as if I am constantly five minutes away from the biggest test of my life.

And no matter what I do, every attempt to relax my mind and body fail me,

Breathe deeply ....

Pray ....

Let go ...

My solitary efforts are futile.

And so I confess my strife ...

Reach out ...

Give myself over to the hands and prayers of loved ones to hold and keep me until this storm passes.