Thursday, March 18, 2010

Eager Anticipation

Well, the nursery is complete, my bag is packed, household projects are complete, the closets are reorganized, my sock drawer looks like a filing cabinet and I can’t think of one more thing to “do” around here other than try to keep everything in a constant state of perfection.


Add to that - it’s spring, the weather is warming, and there is a general sense of restlessness in the air.


This makes for a very antsy expectant mommy.


I feel like I have been preparing for a very important houseguest, due to arrive any day. Problem is, they never said exactly when they are coming, and I prepared WAY in advance … just in case.


The worst part is it seems my body in all of its instinctual wonder has overtaken the logical functions of my brain. I did not consciously plan and carry out these preparations (except of course the nursery preparations and bag packing).


For the last month, I have felt driven by this unrelenting sense of urgency to get things done, tidy things up, tear apart entire organizational systems and start from scratch.


I now I find myself in a state eager anticipation as I wait.


I wasn’t in any hurry to have this baby up until now. In fact, I had joked early on that if she went overdue it would be OK because my other children would be that many more days older and everything that much more manageable.


And now I sit, feeling as though life is at an utter standstill until this baby decides to make her dramatic entrance into our lives.


Am I uncomfortable? Yes. Is she wedged into every available crevice of my not nearly large enough abdomen? Yes. Have I gone from being able to squat down and still pick things up from the ground to being incapable of reaching anything below waist level? Yes.


Is any of this why I feel that at any moment this baby should come popping out of me?

Nope.


It’s that same illogical, biologically driven madness that drove me to manic project finishing and cleaning that has me sitting anxiously, lying in bed awake, waiting in anticipation.


Lord help me, at least I know she’ll be worth the wait.